On Tuesday night’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert had the escalating rhetoric between the United States and North Korea on his mind:
Look, I know a lot of people tune into this show on a nightly basis to get their news and information. They count on me to be a straight shooter with a calm voice. I don’t want to be alarmist. But we’re all going to die.
Colbert talked about North Korea’s reaction to a new line of sanctions approved by fifteen UN member nations—the regime voiced its displeasure only at the US, not the other countries. Colbert wants to tell Kim Jong Un that the US isn’t looking for anything serious right now and wants to keep things open.
Look North Korea, stop trying to make “us” a thing. I’m not saying what we haven’t special, but we’re not exclusive. The United States, we sanction a lot of other countries, OK? We sanctioned Russia just last week and it felt pretty great….they threaten us in a way you never will! You should see the size of their missiles.
Maybe you should start threatening other countries, too. Get out there, you know? Who knows, maybe the country you really want to annihilate has been right in front of you the whole time.
“Thankfully, faced with the greatest challenge of his presidency, Donald Trump stepped up, and in a moment of pure statesmanship, de-escalated the rhetoric and brought calm to our worried nation,” Colbert continued. “I’m just kidding.”
Instead, Trump threatened North Korea further with “fire, fury and frankly, power, the likes of which the world has never seen before.” But Colbert had his mind firmly on what’s important—Netflix:
SHHHH! Shut up, OK? You’ll get us all killed! And I just started The Handmaid’s Tale!
Colbert said he’s not sure he believes Trump’s “saber rattling;” only 24% of voters actually trust what the president says. But oddly, Trump’s approval rating in the same poll hovered at 38%—which indicated to Colbert that “14% of voters enjoy being lied to.”
“If any of those voters are tuning in right now, I just want to say: Everything’s going to be fine!”